Does your child suddenly bite another child, hit you, or throw themselves screaming on the floor because they’re supposed to put on their jacket? Situations like this can make parents feel unsure – and sometimes push them to their limits.

Between around 1.5 and 4 years, intense emotional outbursts and impulsive behavior are a normal part of development for many children. This does not automatically mean your child is aggressive or that you did something wrong. Your child is only just learning to understand strong feelings and gradually regulate them on their own.

Why do tantrums happen during the autonomy phase?

In the autonomy phase, your child discovers their own will and increasingly experiences themselves as an independent person. They want to decide for themselves, try things out, and have a say – but they still can’t cope very well with frustration and disappointment.

Strong feelings are already there, while impulse control and self-regulation only mature little by little. That’s why many children at this age sometimes react with:

  • screaming or crying
  • hitting or biting
  • throwing objects
  • throwing themselves on the floor
  • running away or hiding

To adults, the reaction can sometimes seem out of proportion. But for your child, the situation can truly feel overwhelming in that moment. Some children show this tension loudly on the outside, while others withdraw more or try to escape the situation.

What is often still normal at this age?

Many children go through phases where they show:

  • tantrums triggered by small things
  • strong protest against limits
  • hitting or biting because they feel overwhelmed
  • difficulties with sharing or waiting
  • quick switches between anger and a good mood
  • strong frustration when something doesn’t work

These reactions often happen more often when your child is tired, hungry, ill, or overstimulated. Then it is even harder for them to use the self-control skills they have already developed.

Why biting or hitting doesn’t automatically mean bad intentions

Young children often act impulsively. They don’t necessarily want to hurt someone on purpose – they are reacting to an inner state they can’t express in a different way yet.

For example, a child may hit or bite because they are:

  • frustrated or overwhelmed
  • feeling crowded or pressured
  • seeking contact, but not yet finding a suitable way to do so
  • not yet able to put their needs and feelings into words

This explains the behavior – but it doesn’t mean you have to allow it. More important than blame is showing your child what limits apply and how they can gradually express their feelings in other ways.

How can you respond when your child hits or bites?

Not every situation can be prevented. A calm and clear response helps your child find their way out of feeling overwhelmed. This support is also called co-regulation.

In the situation, you can:

  • stay as calm as possible
  • stop hitting, biting, or throwing right away
  • protect yourself and other children
  • briefly name what you notice: “You’re really angry right now.”
  • set a clear boundary: “I won’t let you hit.”
  • stay with your child as much as possible until they calm down

Long explanations usually don’t help much during a severe tantrum. Only when your child is able to respond again can you talk about what happened.

What helps make tantrums less frequent?

Many children benefit from:

  • reliable daily routines
  • enough sleep
  • regular meals
  • transitions and changes that are announced in advance
  • age-appropriate choices: “Red jacket or blue jacket?”
  • simple words for feelings and needs

The better your child learns to express their own needs and feelings, the more options they have for dealing with difficult situations.

When should you take a closer look?

Severe tantrums on their own are usually not a reason to worry. Talk to your pediatric practice if your child:

  • regularly seriously hurts themselves or others
  • has unusually severe outbursts very often over a longer period of time
  • rarely seeks contact with others outside of tantrums or shows little interest in playing together
  • loses skills they had already learned
  • the behavior has a lasting, major impact on your family life or daycare routine
  • or you are worried about their development

Even if you notice that these situations regularly push you to your limits, it can make sense to seek support.

How you can support your child in the long term

Children learn how to handle strong feelings step by step. They need reliable caregivers who take their feelings seriously while also setting boundaries.

It helps to:

  • name and acknowledge feelings
  • set clear boundaries for hurtful behavior
  • notice and reinforce helpful behavior
  • offer closeness and connection again after a tantrum
  • not expect more self-control from your child than they can manage right now

Over time, your child will get better and better at coping with frustration, finding solutions, and putting feelings into words.

Understand your child’s development better

With the tio App, you get age-appropriate information on emotional development and phases of growing independence. You’ll also find practical guidance for challenging everyday situations and can better understand changes in your child’s behavior over time.